November 22, 2010


Dear Archibald Andrews,

I have recently been reading up on reports of your antics circa 1993-1996 and have been alerted by outside sources that the behaviours expressed have been reoccurring for several years prior to this date range and still remain to. I am caused great frustration and anguish by your lecherous attitude towards Veronica Lodge and otherwise disinclination towards Betty Cooper (aside from a short retelling of a crab-fishing expedition). I understand you have a certain attachment towards Veronica, however she has clearly expressed an interest in you that is only passing; Betty has been a true friend and yet you disregard her fondness time and time again.
I understand upon reading this, you may state that even if Betty provides all the emotional support you seek in a partner, that Veronica's sexual prowess out-counts Betty. I would disagree with you again on this statement though. Both Betty and Veronica possess identical physical features (aside from hair colour) and, in my honest opinion, are far more developed than the average 17 year old girl. Betty exudes far more affection towards you than Veronica, though it may come disguised beneath her wavering anxiety.
I simply ask that you review my comments and make considerations for the stability of your own mental health and relationships, both romantic and otherwise. I would hate to see a young man as yourself with such a promising future become afflicted with arrested development of the mind.

Holding you in my prayers,


PS. Tell Jughead I admire his passion for the culinary arts, but to consider Big Ethel's proposition for a date. Also, such fatty and salty snacks may lead to heart complications later in life.

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